


Extinction Coefficient

by Bounemr



Series: Reave, Wayward Children [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9425864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bounemr/pseuds/Bounemr
Summary: Lady Wifi was a scary akuma. Especially so for Alya, who has to deal with the aftermath.





	

Alya was the number one Ladybug fan.

No way was she letting unintentionally becoming her number one villain deter her.

_I mean I wasn’t even that great of a villain, right? They took care of me no problem! Just a minor nuisance in the life of a heroine._

_Who are you kidding, the only reason the whole of Paris doesn’t know her identity right now is because her mask is apparently glued to her face._

_Also, their masks apparently don’t come off? I mean, they don’t have straps or anything so I guess it makes sense that there’s some kind of adhesive even if it’s just magic but still. I wonder if that’s like a rule or if they can take the masks off if they choose. Can they not take the suits off? Chat’s has a zipper so… but Ladybug doesn’t?_

_Oh, look at me go again. I even interrupt self-deprecation for theorizing._ With a sigh, Alya refocused on the magazine she was holding, and at the spread of Ladybug in it. She idly scratched at the edge of the mask in the picture. _I mean in hindsight it’s good that the mask didn’t come off. If Lady Wifi exposed her, what would Alya Césaire do?_

Alya growled at the sudden lurching of her stomach. She closed her eyes, and then snapped the magazine shut and threw it in the trash with all the force she could muster. _Is that all Ladybug is worth to you? Is that all the Ladyblog is about? Is that why you run into fight after fight? What happened to the free spread of information? To the ideals, the truth?_

Sitting in the classroom, she frowned. No one was around to see her anyway. Marinette was late, or she probably would be if she hadn’t already gotten there by then. Nino and Adrien would be sorting out some project of theirs. All she knew about it was that it was supposedly some kind of surprise for someone. She didn’t think to press them for any more information at the time. Sure, some of the other classmates were there: Juleka and Rose were talking quietly in the back, Nathanaël was fiddling with his sketchbook, Ivan was lurking behind her as well, and Max and Kim had arrived recently, but no one could see her face if she leaned on her arm the right way.

She had her phone out, as always. Browsing through it, she checked her social media accounts. Tumblr ( _What makes me number one?_ ), Instagram ( _Number one to who? Ladybug? Paris? Myself?_ ), Twitter ( _Number one._ ), Facebook ( _Who cares who’s number one anymore? Why did I in the first place?_ ), and, of course, the official Ladyblog’s comments ( _Number one source – that actually may have been true. But why? “The fans deserve to know.” I’m too good at picking out a lie to be able to actually say that bull. I’d like to think I’m not so… I don’t even have a word for it right now. Hypocritical I guess, but if I were to talk about it I’d use a shorter word, maybe meaning closer to “twisted” or like, “brazen” but in an evil way. Maybe three syllables? Two would work. I guess. Eh, I don’t even know if that word exists._

_Fuck, Alya, stop. It’s always this. Analysis. Every word, every twitch. “For the fans,” you say. “They deserve the best,” you say. Every damn letter has to be perfect for every post or it’s worth nothing. That’s the kind of quality the “number one source of Ladybug information” has, right?_

_I mean, how would it make me look to run a sub-par blog? It would only be a-_ Adrien and Nino walked in the room, distracting Alya from her thoughts. She smiled upon seeing the boys, and gave them a wave as they passed the threshold.

They grinned back, Nino had warmth and humor in his eyes, and his brow quirked in just the right way as he glanced at Adrien to tell Alya that he was just as excited as Adrien seemed to be, despite the fact that Nino was calmly setting down his bag and Adrien was bouncing on his toes, eyes and smile shining brighter than the sun.

“Good morning, Alya,” Nino said. Adrien collected himself and echoed the thought.

“Morning, guys.”

Nino’s brow furrowed, the corners of his lips twitched downward for the barest moment, he exchanged a look with Adrien as he turned around and sat down. Adrien mirrored his friend almost exactly. Once seated, they whispered to each other too quietly for her to hear.

So she went back to her phone. She took the time to carefully respond to as many comments that was possible, until class started. Marinette arrived with the bell, and a day of notes and learning followed.

Alya wouldn’t say she was a bad student. In fact, no one would, except maybe Chloé. The thing about school that always got her was that it was an institution designed around and with the primary purpose of the diffusion of information. She liked that. She liked the atmosphere. Where she could ask a question (so long as it was relevant to the topic at least, and appropriate. But she didn’t mind that. Perhaps if she was the only student, but that was just something that came with learning as an institution.) and get an answer, or get actual encouragement or help to seek out the answer.

That was why Alya could let the day slip by. She didn’t _really_ remember much of what happened, but she had good notes and had survived. When she got home, she resolved to lay down face-first and nap for a while. She was too tuckered out and too muted to do much else. Which, of course, her siblings had noticed.

“Sis!” The tugging on her sleeve ensured that she couldn’t just stay in bed forever. “Sis, you keep getting texts!”

“No way you hear that from the living room.”

“I can!”

“Ugh, fine.” Alya retrieved her phone and put it on silent. “There. Now go play with your sister or something. Let me nap in peace.”

Her sister frowned. “Fine. But only because I know you’re upset.” Alya felt a hand on the back of her head. “Night.”

“It’s like, four.”

“Good night, Alya.”

Alya just flailed with the hand closest to the door, gesturing meekly for her sister to leave already.

Though she saw nothing but black regardless, with her face in the pillow, she closed her eyes. _Now that I think about it, what were Nino and Adrien up to? Should I text them? Hmm, nah. Maybe it’s worth it to just let one thing be an actual surprise. I won’t forget, though. If they don’t tell me after they’re done, I’m totally hounding them. Still…_ She reached for her phone and flipped onto her back, checking the messages.

_A few from Mari, Alix, oh, Juleka, interesting. And one from Nino. Feeling so loved here, dude._

NL: yo girl u alright u seemed kinda down in class  
AC: im just fine mr dont you worry ur pretty lil head  
NL: aw u think im pretty  
AC: not as pretty as adrien  
NL: well duh that guys actual sunshine  
AC: lol like god rays in a peaceful lil forest  
AC: whilst a lone songbird gifts our ears w its beauty  
NL: adrien is both the god rays and also the songbird and also the song itself  
NL: im assuming a pretty songbird  
NL: also i cant believe u said whilst  
AC: the prettiest songbird  
AC: adrien is so pretty he deserves a whole new vocabulary  
NL: p much tbh  
AC: speaking of i was thinking of txting the dude  
AC: bless him w my own beauty  
AC: u know if hes busy rn  
NL: ur good girl hes doin stuff but he wont get in trouble  
NL: also every time he gets a text from one of us he smiles  
NL: and as we both know  
NL: thats just about the most pure thing and we r better ppl for having seen it  
AC: true  
AC: later dude  
NL: go make our sunshine happy

Alya quickly went through her other texts. Nothing really important. _Is anything, ever?_ She chuckled as she opened the conversation with Adrien. _Aw now that’s just nihilistic. That’s not me. I may be a selfish asshole, worried about nothing but my own advancement no matter who I use or step on to get there, but I’m not nihilistic._

_Oh, god._

AC: adrien, light of my life  
AC: sun of my stars  
AC: moon of my night  
AC: just wanted u 2 know im thinkin bout u  
AC: and that i love you <3  
AA: OMFG ALYA STOP I LOVE YOU TOO <33333333  
AA: I’m actually going to cry, golly. :’3  
AC: once again i have 2 point this out dude  
AC: the cat emotes do not help u mr “im not chat noir”  
AA: and there goes the moment.  
AA: I told you I’m not him!!!  
AC: that sound like something a certain mr noir would say  
AA: (mr noir omg)  
AA: why do you keep thinking I’m him?  
AC: just sayin ive never seen u and him in the same room hmmmmmmmm  
AA: never seen mari and him in the same room either. that doesn’t mean she’s chat noir.  
AC: u rite (tho i think i have? huh not sure)  
AC: mari would make a gr8 chat tho tbh  
AA: ????????  
AC: dude u dont see her much when shes not in her own way but if u did  
AC: lets just say im only surprised it took nino so long to get a crush on her  
AA: you know, I keep meaning to tease him about that.  
AA: but I keep forgetting that it even happened.  
AA: I suspect the whole event was rather more memorable for you, being locked in a cage and all.  
AC: u raise a point and i raise u one more  
AC: i know you were feeding nino lines like i was for mari  
AA: you were feeding lines to mari???  
AC: so where did u go during the akuma attack hmmm  
AA: I got eaten.  
AC: lol  
AA: nah, panther ran past me and I booked it.  
AA: it was chasing chat noir btw.  
AA: who is not me.  
AC: was that the question now ur just looking suspicious mr  
AA: oops.  
AA: that’s it then the game is up.  
AA: you caught me, I’m chat noir.  
AC: lol the truth comes out  
AC: better let my fans know theyre waiting w bated breath  
AA: would you actually just go and tell everyone if you actually found out chat noir’s identity?  
AC: i  
AC: huh  
AA: ?  
AC: i dont actually know :/  
AA: why not?  
AC: idk i just dont  
AA: you haven’t thought about it?  
AC: not if i can help it  
AA: well why don’t you like to think about it?  
AC: idk  
AA: :c  
AC: i srsly just dont ok????????  
AA: well…  
AA: at the rate you go, I wouldn’t be surprised if you eventually did find out.  
AA: and if you do, you’re going to have to choose.  
AC: maybe  
AC: but thats a later thing  
AA: a later thing?  
AC: yeah  
AC: like idk i dont see much value in thinking about it  
AC: since even if the situation did come up it would necessarily involve me having access 2 much more info than i do now  
AC: so trying to decide rn wo all the facts would be dumb  
AA: you wouldn’t necessarily have all the facts then, either.  
AC: no but id have more than rn  
AC: and id work with what I have  
AC: but my point still stands  
AA: so whether you share the identity publicly depends on the circumstances?  
AC: omg i guess  
AA: are you sure?  
AC: why wouldnt i  
AA: well, I remember you used to say that you’d share it.  
AA: because of free access of information or something.  
AC: why do u even care  
AC: this feels like a trap like u just sprung the trap  
AC: hey alya btw this entire conversation was just a circumlocutory bs way of getting u 2 admit ur upset  
AC: im fine i appreciate u and nino caring but srsly  
AA: I mean first of all I never mentioned you being upset but you did seem kind of down recently.  
AA: second, it was just a question???  
AA: honestly, I don’t really have any reason to be invested in what you do with the heroes identities so I guess I don’t really care.  
AA: excepting of course the fact that I care about you and am curious both because your answer will tell me more about you and also just because I’m a curious person.  
AC: yeah well curiosity screwed the pooch  
AA: that’s not the saying.  
AC: i know but im mad and petty and i dont want to reference cats bc thatll make u happy and   
AC: im mad  
AC: and petty  
AA: alya.  
AC: and 4 the record  
AC: there may have been a point where i said id share it but u know what im not that person anymore  
AC: i have access to new information im older ive done more even if its just a little  
AC: the situation is always changing and ive decided its more prudent to withhold a decision until the situation comes up where it actually matters  
AC: regardless of what past me had decided  
AC: happy?  
AA: no? alya seriously, what’s wrong?  
AC: nothings wrong except ppl keep telling me im upset when im not  
AA: alya you’re very clearly upset.  
AC: well i am now!!!!!!!!  
AA: okay, sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.

Alya gritted her teeth and gripped her phone tight. Try as she might, she couldn’t muster up the right response. Eventually, she just put the phone on her nightstand and flipped over to face the pillow again. _It’s not my fault._

_What isn’t? No one accused you of anything except being upset._

_I don’t know! God, but is it too much to ask to just let myself think things that don’t make sense?_

_I mean obviously, it is. And now you’ve made Adrien feel bad. God, get a hold of yourself. You can’t go around telling people you’re fine and then lashing out at them. That’s inconsistent at best._

Alya just dug her hands into her pillow and used it as an impromptu stress ball. After a while, she started to doze, and eventually, she slept.

“Sis! Get up, dad says dinner’s ready!” Alya groaned and mumbled incoherently into the pillow. “Up! Up! Up! Up! Up!”

“I get it.” Alya lifted her head so that her words wouldn’t be silenced by her pillow again. “I get it; I’m up.”

“I’m getting food first!” Her sister raced off to the kitchen. Alya decided to take her time, since her two siblings would no doubt be climbing over each other to be first anyway. She got up, stretched, shoved her phone in her back pocket, and made her way to the kitchen. Predictably, the twins were on the tile floor, both trying to take the other’s spot in the front of the line (even though Alya knew for a fact that they were watching a cartoon online and wouldn’t start it until the other was there anyway).

Once both of them had their plates and had scurried off, Alya came face to face with her father. “How are you doing, sweetie?”

“Well enough.”

Her dad pursed his lips but didn’t say anything else as he handed her her plate.

She retreated to her room and ate while she reviewed comments on the Ladyblog. If she were perfectly honest, by the time the akuma appeared, she was almost praying for one.

Of course, it still wasn’t all that interesting, or she thought, anyway.

She was nearly finished with her dinner when she heard the crash. So accustomed to the idea of akuma at this point, it did little more than startle her and spur her into action. She uploaded an alert to the Ladyblog (designed to let people know so that they knew to stay inside and out of trouble. _Ironic._ ), grabbed her phone and headed for the door, responding idly to her parents’ plea to be careful, mounted her bike and found the site in no time at all.

 _Standard shooter-type with a side effect of transfiguration. Original._ She ditched her bike somewhere she wouldn’t forget it and found a comfortable space to hide at the entrance to a dank alley. She set up her phone and held it up to view the fight. She was a fair distance back, so the camera on her phone wasn’t very good at the job – the akuma was small on the screen – but she didn’t dare get any closer. She just waited, making the occasional comment about the akuma’s abilities and motive as she learned or thought of it until Ladybug and Chat Noir finally showed up.

They took care of it easily. _Not a big deal._ After their fist-bump, she just stood, shaking out her legs, which were stiff from crouching for too long, and tucked her phone away. She grabbed her bike and entered the main street, catching the attention of the superheroes. Alya noticed them look her way, of course, but mounted her bike and set off back home, in the opposite direction.

“Hey, wait!” Alya froze, turned, saw Chat Noir running up to her. “You run the Ladyblog.”

“Yeah.”

Chat Noir frowned, opened his mouth without saying anything, closed it again, rubbed his neck, looked away nervously as if he had expected more. “Well, uh, I guess I just wanted to say thanks. I love your blog, and your akuma alert has gotten me to more than one akuma now, so…”

 _Chat Noir reads my blog? Mine?_ Alya was speechless for a moment, just staring at his fidgeting. “Why?”

Chat bit his lip, his brow furrowed. “What?”

Alya shook her head, realizing what she had said. “I mean, nothing, thank you. It means a lot.” With a smile, she turned.

A hand caught her arm. Her head whipped around and he had already let go before her eyes found him again. He held his hands up placatingly. “Sorry, but what did you mean, ‘why’? Your blog is amazing, and frankly, so are you.” He crossed his arms. “And while we appreciate you staying out of trouble recently, don’t think Ladybug and I haven’t noticed that you’ve been staying a lot further back than you used to.”

Alya scowled. “What does that have to do with anything? You two have been telling me to hang back for months, and now you’re concerned that I do?”

“Yes. Because you’re not listening to us.”

“No offense, but that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“No, Alya, look.” Chat’s expression changed to something pleading and worried. She looked around, seeing Ladybug nearby. She was listening, but not interrupting. _That means that she either agrees or has no idea what he’s on about._ “Look. There.” He pointed to her hips.

“What? My pockets?”

“Your phone. You’re not even trying to interview Ladybug right now. She’s standing right here, and you aren’t even making an attempt to talk to her. I even had to stop you from _leaving_ without a word.”

“So, now tha-”

“And don’t even say that you are doing what we said or that you took a hint because we always talked to you when we had time. Ladybug even gave you that exclusive interview.”

“Yeah, but… so what?”

“So, believe it or not, we actually do keep an eye on Hawk Moth’s victims after the akuma is cleansed. We’re concerned tha-”

“Lady Wifi has nothing to do with this.” Alya growled. _Why would she? Nobody else is bothered by their akuma._ “Lady Wifi isn’t me. That was months ago, anyway, and I didn’t even remember what happened.”

“Then what is the matter?”

“Look, Chat, I’m sorry that I worried you, but I’m fine. I’m just taking your advice and hanging back. Is that bad?”

“No, but you’re no-”

“I need to get home now. If you don’t mind.”

When she turned her back on him and pedaled away, no hand or voice came to stop her.

* * *

 

_BZZZZZZZZT. BZZZZZZZZT._ Alya groaned and reached blindly for her phone. _BZZZZZZZZT._ She knocked it off the bedside table and had to lean over to pick it up off the floor. She opened her eyes only enough to find and press the “accept call” button before holding the phone to her ear, still hanging half off the bed in a tangled mess of sheets and blankets.

“Alya, girl, what did you say to Adrien?”

 _Nino._ “What do you mean?” She yawned and rubbed at her eyes. She slipped a little off the bed and ended up with her head on the floor, keeping her from sliding any further.

“I mean he’s terrified that he pissed you off and that you don’t want to be his friend anymore.”

“Oh, god. Yeah, he pissed me off a little. Tell him that I’m never going to stop being his friend. And tell him that friendships aren’t that fragile. Real ones, anyway.”

“Girl, I have. It’s got to come from your mouth I think or he won’t be convinced. Come on, you know how he gets.”

“That boy’s insecurity gets on my nerves sometimes. Why can’t he just let me be pissed? Now I feel bad.”

Nino chuckled. “I don’t know, girl. But just talk to him when you get to school today, could you?”

“Consider it done, dude.”

There was a long pause. “What did you fight about?”

Alya sighed, and then grunted as she picked herself up and repositioned to sit properly. “I wouldn’t call it a fight. Not really. Honestly, it was mostly him being sweet and caring and me getting defensive and shouty.”

“Well, what were you getting defensive about?”

“God, I don’t remember. He asked me if I’d post Chat Noir’s identity on the Ladyblog if I found it out, I think. And he accused me of being upset.”

“Which isn’t unreasonable if you were being defensive.”

“True. I know it’s my fault. I’ll talk to him.”

“Not the point, dude.”

“I told you before, I’m fine.”

“Well you sound more fine now than before, but you’re still upset about something. What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Alya, girl.”

“Nothing happened, Nino. If I’m upset, it is for literally no reason whatsoever.”

There was a short moment of silence. “Alright, then. What can I do to help you be less upset?”

“Nino,” Alya said, exasperated.

“Hey, no reason doesn’t mean you aren’t really upset or that it’s not okay to be upset.”

Alya smiled. “You know, sometimes you rival Adrien on being unbearably sweet.”

“I’m just saying!”

She laughed. “Thanks, Nino. You already made me feel better. I’ll talk to Adrien, alright? For now, let me get ready for school.”

“Can do. See you in a few.”

“See you.”

But as Alya got ready, she felt a gnawing in her gut. Saying she was fine all the time was one thing. It wasn’t really a lie. It was pretty much a declaration of intent rather than an actual answer. It was “I don’t want to talk about it” not, “I’m feeling peachy and not upset at all” and no one could really say that they didn’t know that. But with Chat Noir… she lied through her teeth. _Even with Adrien I never actually lied. I don’t really know what I’d do. I’d need to be in the situation to be able to decide. But with Chat… “Lady Wifi has nothing to do with this”. Yeah, right. You can’t even make yourself believe that. And you knew that when you said it. It was a bare-faced lie._

She worried her lip as she picked up her bag. _This whole thing is supposed to be about truth. That’s what you want. That’s what Lady Wifi wanted. And you became a liar because of it._

_So much for principles._

When she got to school, she was even more upset. But she recognized where she had wronged, and she took deep breaths and found her friend. “Adrien, can I talk to you?”

He jumped when he heard her voice, and his face paled as he nodded. Alya felt her lungs constrict and her gut twist. “Look, bu-”

“I’m sorry.”

Alya gave him a teasing smile and quirked her eyebrow. “You’re sorry?”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I shouldn’t have pushed. I know I made you upset and I’m sorry and I jus-”

Alya laughed. “Dude, chill. We’re good!”

“We… are?” He still seemed worried, even as he looked at her with hope in his eyes.

“Yeah, dude. You think I’d stop wanting to be around you because you pissed me off once? Nah. And anyway, I wanted to talk because I was going to apologize.”

Adrien actually seemed confused at that, which almost made Alya feel even more guilty. “Why?”

“Because you didn’t deserve that. I was overreacting.” She shook her head. “You didn’t step out of line, dude. I did.”

“N-no you didn’t! I shouldn’t have pushed. You have a right t-”

“Look, dude, do you want to play the blame game or do you want to give me a hug?”

Alya held out her arms and grinned, waggling her eyebrows a little. Adrien just paused, stared, looked away, and then muttered, “hug, please.” She stepped forward to give him the biggest and warmest hug she could, to make him feel as loved as he was.

When his arms wrapped around her, she’d have been lying if she said that the affection and gratitude she felt from him didn’t terrify her. “I love you, buddy,” she said.

Adrien made a kind of choking whimper sound, which made Alya laugh.

And then they separated, and Alya pointed out that they needed to get to class.

They each slipped into their seats next to their other best friends and Marinette just gave Alya a look of stunned panic and curiosity. “Don’t worry, we didn’t talk about you,” Alya whispered.

“What did you talk about?”

“I just had to remind him that I love him. That’s all.” Marinette groaned and put her head on the desk. “Got to do that from time to time, you know.”

“Shut up.”

Alya chuckled and turned her focus to the teacher. She knew she had a lot to think about, and she did want to think about it (she knew she’d been avoiding it for a while), so she tucked it away in her mind, hoping she’d remember. Even if it was important, she wouldn’t get distracted and let herself get behind in school because of inattention. _Inability, sure, look at my chemistry grade, but not inattention._

* * *

 

Alya stood overlooking the glittering lights of Paris, leaning on the guard rail. She didn’t have a whole roof like Marinette, but her apartment did have a small balcony that she occasionally slipped out onto to think. With a deep breath, she pushed off the bar and sat down on a chair placed out there. With a pad of paper and a pen in hand, she began to write.

It wasn’t surprising to anyone who really knew her. She was a writer at heart. A nonfiction writer, mostly, because she liked to bring people facts and current events, but she had dabbled in creative writing. That’s where most of her (now scattered) journals came from. But she liked writing. It helped her sort out her mind to put words on the page, and the feel of pen on paper was calming and helped her focus – better in that way than typing would be.

_Why does Lady Wifi bother me? And how does she bother me?_

_Maybe it’s about ethics. Lady Wifi didn’t worry about who she hurt, she just did everything she could to reveal Ladybug’s identity. I don’t like thinking I’m capable of doing that? That I would consider the effects of my stories, rather than just sharing them because I can?_

_Or what about the Ladyblog? I’m so hung up on perfection that I’d put myself and others in danger. Is it that streak? Because I hate that Chat would be concerned for me._

_Or maybe that’s it. I can’t stand people trying to take care of me. I’m supposed to be independent, strong, confident. Excluding my parents to an extent because they’re my parents, I don’t want to make people feel like I’m someone who needs to be looked after._

_Do I really feel that?_

Alya made a face at her journal and shook her head. _No, I know when it’s okay to ask for help. I’m mature enough to accept it. I just don’t want to. Why?_

With an audible groan, she shut the journal and put it aside, deciding to watch the city for a while. She’d do it with Marinette sometimes when Marinette was feeling stressed or couldn’t figure something out. It was calming, distracting to an extent, and didn’t require thinking.

Or at least, it didn’t so long as a shadow wasn’t bounding across the rooftops in her direction.

To his credit, Chat Noir did seem legitimately surprised to see her out on the balcony when he landed nearby. His ears swiveled on his head and his eyes shifted from the top of her building to her a few times before he vaulted over to land next to her. “Good evening, miss ladyblogger.”

“Evening, Chat Noir.” She smiled, standing to greet him, and hurried to speak again before he could say anything. _Adrien wasn’t the only one I wronged. This is lucky._ “I’m sorry.”

He tilted his head, ears twitching. “You’re sorry?”

“I lied to you.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t like lies, so… I had to apologize.”

“It’s alright. What did you lie about?”

“I said Lady Wifi didn’t have anything to do with my mood. Or why I haven’t been as, ah, daring let’s say, during akuma attacks.” She wasn’t sure why she was having this conversation with Chat Noir. She didn’t know the kid. It was mostly obligation tugging at her heart. It felt wrong to leave the lie out there, even if it was said in an excited state where she wasn’t thinking clearly. _And I suppose he’s bound to be a kind of expert at this by now._

“Are you okay?”

“No.” She didn’t hesitate, didn’t even give him the tentative almost-lie of saying she was fine. He didn’t deserve that. “I’m not even entirely sure what’s wrong, but I know I’m not okay.” She hugged herself and turned towards the night, felt his hand find her back in a comforting gesture. “And sometimes I think the fact that I can’t figure out the problem is like, ninety percent of my problem. It’s just…” She shook her head.

“It’s alright, Alya. It’s alright to not be okay.”

She chuckled weakly. “I’ve heard.”

“Well, it’s true.” His eyes were intense, focused entirely on her. It was clear that whatever he was doing when he got there – patrol probably ( _Does their patrol bring them right over my apartment building?_ ) – was long forgotten. “Tell me about it? I’m here to listen.”

So she told him. She didn’t want to lie, not even by omission. She’d bent the truth enough. She’d obfuscated enough. To him, to Adrien, to Marinette and Nino, to herself even.

Not that she thought herself remarkably coherent anyway, but at least she was candid.

“Lady Wifi was just so… selfish. It bothers me how she went about getting Ladybug’s identity. I’ve been watching all the akuma, more closely than most and I… it’s almost like a lack of inhibition. Those who are more violent or destructive are usually angry, right? Sad akuma tend to be bitter, which can turn into anger, but usually manifests more as a revenge. But her? She was conniving, she was aggressive and clever, and she almost won. She lost because of an oversight and even then it was close.

“I just don’t like how she did that. I feel selfish for even wanting to know your identity. Because what am I going to do with it? Share it? It was naïve of me to think that was even a good idea. It would only put you in danger if I made your identity public. You and everyone you care about. I guess I thought I could…” She shook her head. “Hey, Chat Noir, do you know why I like Ladybug so much?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t think so. The truth is, I’m a major superheroine fangirl. I read comics of Wonderwoman and the Thor ones with the female Thor? I can’t get enough. I always loved the superhero girls. I wanted to be one of them for the longest time. I guess I thought… Ladybug is so _real_ , you know? I’m jealous of her. She’s another kid, probably my age, in my city, but she’s a superhero and I’m not. I want to be her.”

“A lot of girls want to be her. Boys too.”

“Not the same. I mean, yeah, but… I run the Ladyblog. I ran into the fight all the time because I want her to like me. Like I could somehow become her sidekick, or be worthy of replacing her eventually or something, I don’t know exactly.” Alya bit her lip, because she only really realized that as she said it. “I ran the Ladyblog and I got too involved with the attacks because I’ve been… I don’t know. Living my superhero dream vicariously through her, I guess.”

 Chat Noir hesitated. “So, when you wanted to reveal her identity.”

“I want to be famous, Chat. I want people to know my name, to see me. I want a voice that no one will ignore. Ladybug has that. I guess I tried so hard to find her identity because if it were me I might not have kept it a secret in the first place.

“Which is unfair to her and so selfish and dumb and I almost got away with it. Lady Wifi was a wake-up call. It’s kind of hard to ignore how villainous you’re being if you’re wearing the tights, you know?”

Chat Noir was quiet as he contemplated his words. Alya didn’t really have much else to say. Most of what she had already said was new to her as well, and just came out when she gave up on trying not to talk about it. “You know,” he said, “the interesting thing about a lack of inhibition. Most people would assume that that’s their true self, who they are inside, but that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? You’re going to try to convince me I’m not selfish?”

He grinned. “I’ll definitely try. Listen.” He nudged her gently with his shoulder. With a small voice, the smallest she’d ever heard from him, he said, “we’re kids.” She raised an eyebrow. “We’re kids.” He repeated. “Kids are dumb.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“Hey, I included myself in that, and that’s not what I meant, anyway. I meant that we do things we know we shouldn’t. It seems like a good idea at the time, or we think it might be fun, but we know it’s dumb. I should be nearly done with my patrol right now, but I made a split-second decision to talk to you when I saw you.”

“You’re saying talking to me is dumb?”

“Not at all! Just that I can’t really stay out too late for a variety of reasons and if Ladybug finds out, she might worry and – see? Lots of consequences for one innocent decision. A lack of inhibition isn’t so much us doing what we truly want, but us not thinking anything through. We do things we don’t want, too. We do things because of the situation or because of other people even if we wouldn’t want to normally. It’s not just a lack of inhibition, is what I’m saying. It’s a lack of inhibition plus Hawk Moth’s manipulation. And we’re kids. It’s Hawk Moth’s fault for taking advantage of the victims, not the victims’ fault. Even if the victim is an adult but especially with kids.”

Alya frowned, thinking that over. “That actually makes sense.”

“Does it? Oh, good.”

She slapped his arm. “You’re just making this up!”

“I mean,” he said, rubbing his arm and grinning sheepishly, “I didn’t rehearse it.”

“God, what am I going to do with you?” She laughed. With a nudge of her shoulder, she smiled at him. “Thank you.”

“You’re feeling better?”

“A little.”

“You can always flag me down if you need to talk again.”

Alya chuckled. “Don’t leave that offer on the table, Chat. I might take advantage of it to get exclusive interviews.”

“Aw, well, no bother.” He pressed a hand to his chest, leaning towards her. “I’d be happy to give my favorite reporter a few exclusives.”

“I’m considering that an oral contract, just so you know.” She shook her head. “You should get going.”

He stiffened, as if remembering. “Right. My Lady is going to kill me.”

“Thanks for coming by. It helped a lot.”

“Any time.”

He jumped onto the railing, gave her a salute, and vaulted off. “Later,” she mumbled. _I wonder what he’s like without that mask._ She looked down at her journal.

_Maybe Lady Wifi doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s a different identity, with a different situation. Just like Chat and whoever he is without the mask. Like Ladybug and her civilian identity. If I take that identity, but change the situation again, maybe it can be something good._

_Or at least make me stop feeling like shit._

She picked up her pen, opened the journal, and wrote, mumbling the words as she wrote them. “Ten, November, twenty-sixteen, entry one, diary of Lady Wifi.


End file.
